i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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