When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
