So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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