Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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