I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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