Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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