my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
