So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
