I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
