When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
