yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
