My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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