I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
