I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
