i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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