I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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