You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
