I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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