i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
