I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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