I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
