Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
