i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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