Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
