I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
