the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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