What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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