oh god the rape fog is back!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
