I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You need Xanax blowdarts
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
