The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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