Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
