I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I know her cup size but not her name....
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
