After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
