Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
