Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
