Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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