It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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