Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
