I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
