Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
