Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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