I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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