so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
