The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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