i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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