So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
