Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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