gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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