Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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