Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
