Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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